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the devils business |

weightedxwings:

       It’d been a while now since anyone in the group had seen Rick, granted they all understood his need for space in such a difficult time, but there was something not quite right about it all. Something that left a bitter taste on the tongue just thinking about it— As if he’d spread himself too thin and perhaps wouldn’t be able to collect himself again. It was that bitter taste, that unconscious worry that had the youngest Dixon searching the prison for the man.

       He couldn’t be hard to find, there were only so many places cleared— So many places the other could go that he’d have to find him, eventually. What he would find though, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for. Physical support wasn’t an issue, gladly given in order to protect those who needed it most but emotional support… The very thought of attempting it made Daryl pause, eyes remaining attentive to decrepit surrounds while the mind was left to wander.

       What would he do when he found Rick? Was he truly the right man for the job? — No the answer was clear, he wasn’t; it was a situation best left for Hershel but it didn’t mean he had to leave his makeshift family, his new-found brother to suffer alone simply because he didn’t have a way with words. Perhaps words wouldn’t reach him anyway, perhaps he just needed someone to sit quietly by him to remind him he wasn’t alone. To remind him two gifts worth protecting lay just beyond the labyrinth of filthy halls. 

       ”I don’—!”

       The muffled words brought Daryl back to the present, body reacting on instinct, shifting in order to follow the direction of the voice— Rick’s voice. It seemed his decision was made. If he was close enough to hear him, he was already there.

There was nothing easy about losing the person you loved, the person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life. With Lori being gone, it felt like there was a hole in the world. One that would never be repaired again, some of him died with her, the memories, the happiness he felt when she was near. She would never actually be near again, which meant he would never be as happy as he had been previously. Focusing seemed impossible, the only time he actually seemed to focus was when he was staring into the eyes of the hallucination of the woman he loved.

He kept his eyes on her for a while, then wandered around the boiler room in circles. He wanted them to disappear, he wanted Lori to go, it was hard enough understanding her death and he wanted Shane to stop appearing at the worst moments - he killed him. He killed his best friend and now he was back. Rick grabbed at brunette locks of hair, tugging at them, trying to stop whatever was going on inside of his head by causing himself pain - nothing. She was still there, still staring at him in that Goddamn white dress.

Strange. She stood in red and yet, on the floor, a pool of her blood remained. He had expected to see her drenched in her own blood. She seemed peaceful and for the first time, he was envious. He stopped, looking around rapidly, his breathing harsh, before he rested his eyes on his beautiful wife in white. “You’re dead!” He yelled the words at her, spat them even. It was the first time he’d admitted to himself that she was actually dead. That she wasn’t coming back and that he had to carry on without her. He held back the tears that attempted to fall down his cheeks.

“What do I do, Lori? Tell me what I gotta do. I don’t know if I can do this.”

Rick pleaded her for something, for her to talk and tell him what to do next. He didn’t want to face the others, he didn’t want to go back out there and give the orders, put other people’s lives in danger. Everything was always his fault.